Is This A Dream?
by DeepInTheShadows12345
Summary: Reid has gotten to a point where he can't tell the difference between reality and his dreams. When Morgan shows up at Reid's apartment, he says something Reid wasn't expecting. But, is it just a dream? READ AND FIND OUT! rating T just to be safe. :  slash


There was a sharp pain in my chest. 'What was this weird feeling?' I thought to myself.

I was dragged to the bar, with the team, on one of our rare days off. Garcia was close to drunk, and babbling on about something. I couldn't really hear her over the blaring music. I took a drink of my beer, and looked over to the glowing dance floor. I saw Morgan, grinding up on a bunch of women he'd never met before. He seemed to be enjoying himself. For some reason, I had to force myself to look away. It aggravated me, seeing him with those women. But why?

There it was again. That pain in my chest. It was so bizarre. What was causing it? I tried to think of everything that could have been causing it, but gave up, and tried to ignore it. I sighed and looked down at the table in front of me, and fell into a kind of daydream state. Garcia tapped me on my shoulder which caused me to jump. She laughed a little."Calm down, boy wonder." She looked at me with the biggest grin on her face. Her cheeks were red. I didn't know if it was from her make-up, the intense heat from inside the building, or if it was from Garcia laughing too hard. "Come get another drink with me."

Her smile was contagious and before I knew it, I myself was smiling. "Alright." And thus we made our way to the bar in the front of the dance floor.

"Vodka, straight up!" Garcia yelled to the bartender. And shortly after, her wish was granted. She took the shot and looked at me. "Want anything?" I shook my head and smiled. I was glad she was having fun. On the way back to our table, I was lost in the crowd of wild dancers. I tried to push and shove the strangers out of my way, and before I knew what was happening, my body was driven into the chest of one muscular Derek Morgan.

"Hey pretty boy!" He shouted over the sound of the pounding tunes. He had the biggest smirk on his face. My guess was he was drunk. He quickly wrapped his arms around me. It made me gasp. I was caught completely off guard. "Pretty boy," He started.  
>I-I love you." He said, still smiling. He stuttered the first word, and he spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear him. But I did.<p>

What? What did he just say?

My eyes began to water. I pushed him, and started to walk rather quickly toward the door, wiping away the tears as fast as they came. Why was I crying? I didn't look back, but I could feel Morgan's eyes watching me as I got further away. I could only imagine the look on his face. As I reached the door I heard a female voice calling out to me.

"Spence!" I knew it was JJ. As I told Gideon, she's the only one who calls me 'Spence'.

As I stepped outside, there was a cool breeze. JJ caught up to me. "Spence, what's wrong?" She was a moment, she almost seemed out of breath. I turned to face her. "Is everything okay?" She wiped away my tears with her thumb.

"I don't know what this is…" I said "This strange thing my stomach."

"Butterflies?" JJ suggested. Her voice was so soft, it was almost lost in the wind.

"Maybe." I shrugged. "I don't know what that is supposed to mean, because I can't _actually_ have butterflies in my stomach."

JJ laughed as my natural instinct to make sense of everything kicked in. She put her hand gently over my bellybutton (which was where my strange feeling was coming from). "It's just this feeling that's almost like someone's tickling you, on your insides." Our eyes met. "Everyone gets it. It's okay."

I gave a small smile. She always knew exactly how to make me feel better, no matter what. I had told JJ I had a small crush on Morgan, because I knew that she would understand. Now, I guess you could call it more than just a crush. "I love him, JJ." I ran a hand through my hair, and wiped away the slowly drying tears on my cheeks.

"I wanna tell him, I do, but I'm just so scared…"

"My advice to you is don't feel like your being pressured, because your not. If you do tell him, do it only when you feel you're ready." She looked me up and down. "He'd be crazy not to love you too." Her eyebrows came together as she raised them, giving me a reassuring look. I knew how hard she tried and I loved how much she cared for me. She was my best friend (other than Morgan). I trusted her.

"JJ, I hope you know how much I appreciate you." I hugged her.

"I do. Now come on, let's go inside." She put her arm around my shoulder and guided me back to the door.

Inside, Morgan was making his way through the crowd, and towards where JJ and I were. JJ winked at me, and made her way back to the table in the corner that housed Rossi, Emily, and a now completely drunk Garcia. Morgan stood in front of me, meeting my gaze. "Are you okay?" He asked. He had many emotions that coated his voice. I couldn't quite identify them all before he gave me this look that made it clear he wanted an answer. And he wanted the truth.

"Morgan, I…" I paused, trying to think of what to say. I had a chance to tell him how I felt. Should I take it? I knew that this was going to be the only time I could say it. For Morgan, it seemed like an eternity passed. Tears threatened to spill over.

I was about to speak again, but I found it impossible. Something was keeping me from talking, from telling Morgan what had haunted over me for the longest time. I came to my senses as I realize it was Morgan who hushed my voice. It was Morgan who kept me from talking. I found that it was Morgan's lips that were on my own. It took a few moments before my brain registered what was happening. Derek Morgan was kissing me.

My eyes shot open. What were we doing? What was going on? Could this really be happening?

A few seconds later, we separated. There was silence between us. Neither of us said anything. We were both in shock. We waited for the other's reaction.

Morgan looked straight at me. "Reid…Why did you walk away from me?" He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"I didn't know if you meant what you said." I said. I raised my eyebrows innocently, wondering if I said the right thing.

"Of course I mean it. I wouldn't say it if it weren't true. I loved you…" He said, putting my hair behind my ears. I shivered under his touch. My head was down, and hot tears were flowing out from under my closed eyes. He lifted my head up, and again he kissed me gently. I couldn't believe this was happening. It was finally happening.

After a few seconds, everything went silent. The only thing I could hear was my pounding heartbeat. Suddenly I realized my phone was ringing. It rang once. Twice. Three times. Finally, I opened my eyes.

I squinted and looked around. It was dark. I looked around nervously and realized I was in my apartment.

I sighed. My heart was rapidly beating, and my breathing was uneven. My eyes were now brimming with tears.

It was only a dream? How is that possible? How is it possible for all that to have been just a dream? I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I grabbed my ringing phone, and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I answered. It took me four rings to answer, only to hear Hotch's voice on the other line. We have a new case, briefing is in an hour. I hung up, and tears poured from my eyes as I sobbed into my pillow. I couldn't even believe it was only a dream.

After I calmed down a little and my breathing had returned to normal, I laid on my back and I starred at the ceiling.

How could it have only been a dream? I just didn't understand. It had all been so real…It was so vivid. I couldn't help but keep replaying it over and over in my head.

I got up, and decided I needed a cold shower, to clear my head. I did what I did every other work day. I got dressed and made a cup of coffee before going to work. Before I closed my apartment door, I read the clock on my kitchen wall.

5:17 am. Too early. It must have been important. And as I came to find out, it was.

I had finished my coffee before I had even gotten half way there. I needed more sugar. I needed to wake up.

As I walked into the bullpen, I saw Emily talking to JJ, They stopped talking when they saw me come into the room. Why were they suddenly silent? Did I look weird or something? I tried ignoring the girl's odd behavior. I put my bag on the chair, and headed straight for the break room to make another cup of coffee, with tons of sugar. (In reality it was more like a cup of sugar, with a little coffee added). I lightly chuckled at the thought. Maybe I should cut down on my sugar.

As I headed back to my desk, JJ and Emily both watched me. It seemed as though they were memorizing my every move. So strange.

Hotch came out of his office. "Conference room." He stated. Everyone walked up the stairs to the conference room, as instructed. As Garcia was informing us of our new case in Rolla, North Dakota, she kept giving me strange looks every few minutes.

What was wrong with the girls today? Did I do something wrong? I tried my best to ignore them.

Before I even knew it, we were already on the jet, and on our way across the country. I laid on the couch and tried to catch up on the sleep I didn't really get last night. I had my right arm over my eyes and tried to block out all of my thoughts pertaining to the dream I had had less than 2 hours ago. Just as I was about to fall back asleep, I heard Emily and JJ whispering. In particular, I heard my name. "Is Reid okay?" Emily asked "He's been jumpy, and paler than usual."

"He's just stressed. He's been dealing with feelings that he's never felt before. He doesn't really know how to cope with all of it. It's just really overwhelming him." JJ reassured her. Emily raised her eyebrow, wanting more of an explanation, but then lowered it again. She closed her eyes.

There was a long silence before Emily finally sighed. "Is it Morgan?" She asked. JJ's eyes widened, and she tilted her head in question.

"How did you know?"

"Morgan confided in me about his feelings for Reid." Emily said, looking over at me. She looked back at JJ. "You wouldn't even believe what he told me. The things he said brought me to tears, it was beautiful."

I smiled inside.

JJ looked at Emily. "Spence told me about how he likes Morgan. I thought it was cute. And as we've all noticed, he hasn't slept in days. I know this has been bothering him. I know he's not really good with relationships, but I really wish I could do more for him."

"You're doing everything you can just being there for him. He really appreciates you being there for him when he needs it." Emily put her hand on her shoulder. "You're closer to him than the rest of us are."

"You know," JJ smiled "Spence told me he likes it when Morgan calls him 'Pretty Boy'."

Both girls were quiet. I think it goes without say they wanted me and Morgan together as much as I did. I thought about the conversation I had just heard.

Wait a second. Morgan likes me? He actually likes me? I turned over on my side, facing the back of the couch, hiding my smile. The girls didn't know I was awake, and they didn't need to. I fell into a deep sleep. The best sleep I've gotten in a few days.

When we landed in North Dakota, Morgan put a hand on my shoulder and shook my gently, until I awoke from my peaceful sleep. "Come on, pretty boy, we're here." And before I had even gotten a chance to open my eyes, I already had a smile on my face.

I got up, and rubbed my eyes, making my way off the jet, and into the SUV with Morgan, Emily and Rossi. We were on our way to the crime scene, while JJ and Hotch were going to set up at the police station. The ride there was really quiet. Morgan was driving, Rossi in the passenger seat, I was behind Morgan, and Emily was behind Rossi. She kept glancing towards me every so often. I ignored her, and kept looking out my window. I couldn't help thinking about what her and JJ said on the jet earlier, but then the thought occurred to me: could it have just been a dream?

I mean, I thought my dream about Morgan at the bar was real, but it wasn't, so could the conversation between Emily and JJ I heard have been a dream too? I'm really tired of not being able to tell the difference between reality and my dreams. By this point, I think I let all hope slip out of my grasp. I gave up. I let out a long sigh. "Everything okay?" Emily asked me.

"Yeah, just tired." I lied. I guess technically it wasn't a lie, I _was_ tired, but I just didn't want to tell Emily why I really sighed. Rossi looked back at me. We made eye contact for a split second, but then I looked back out the window as we pulled into the victim's driveway. I was the first to get out of the vehicle.

Later on in the day we met back up at the police station and shared what evidence we had all gathered, and gave a geographical profile. Even later in the day we gave a full profile of our unsub. He was taking young teenage girls, raping them then drowning them in the river that runs along the woods on the east side of town. After 10pm we decided to call it a night. We had to share rooms, but judging on how tired everyone was, no one argued.

Morgan and I shared a room. When we first got there, I walked straight into the bathroom and changed. I changed from my normal clothes to something more comfortable.

As I went back into the open area of the hotel room I saw Morgan putting a different shirt on. I couldn't even help starring at his well muscled chest flexed. When he looked up at me I quickly looked away as a light blush spread over my face. I dropped my bag on the floor next to the bed in front of me, and slowly crawled under the blankets, putting the blanket over my face and making a few weird noises that made Morgan laugh. "Night, pretty boy." He laughed as he shut the lights off and crawled into his own bed. The last time I saw the clock it was 10:23pm. When I closed my eyes it was dark, and then I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and quickly sat up. I forced air into my lungs until my breathing was back to normal. I laid back down. I had my hand under my head, and I had my legs crossed, and I just starred at the ceiling.

Another nightmare. I looked over at the clock. 3:48am. I looked over at Morgan, who was sound asleep. Tears streamed down my face. I had realized that I loved him, and I knew I was too afraid to do anything about it. Why was it so hard?

Maybe it was hard because I was best friends with him, and I know that if I took the chance to do anything about my feelings and Morgan didn't feel the same, it would tear our friendship apart, and I couldn't risk that. Our friendship was too important to jeopardize.

I looked over at the clock again. 4:10. I wiped my tears away and turned over, hoping to fall back asleep. And eventually I did.

7:30 in the morning a phone rang. "Hello?" Morgan answered it. "Yup. 'Kay. Mhm. Bye." And he hung up. He dropped his head into his pillow for a few seconds, before getting up. "Reid." He called. "Time to get up." He rummaged through his bag of clothes and pulled some out. "Hey." He said, ruffling my hair. Pretty boy, wake up. I'm gunna take a quick shower."

I mumbled something I couldn't even understand and then I threw the blankets off the bed in my attempt to get up "Yeah, I'm up." I rubbed my eyes and let my hair fall in front of my face. Everything I had thought about last night came rushing through my head again, and tears formed in my eyes, I rubbed my eyes a little harder, trying to make them disappear. I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then let it go. I stood up and made my way into the kitchen. I started making coffee (God knows I needed it). I went back into the room with the beds, and grabbed some clothes out of my bag. I stretched and yawned and then started changing clothes. I was only in my pants when Morgan came into the room.

"Hey, you're up." He smiled. I gasped.

"Little warning next time, you scared me." I told him. I saround for the shirt I was going to wear today. I could feel Morgan's eyes on me. He was looking over every inch of my body, as if studying me. "Umm…" I looked at him, "Do you mind?" I gave a small laugh, trying not to sound too embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry…" When I looked at him, I thought I saw a small blush. I finished putting my shirt on, then I slipped on my shoes, and grabbed my bag and my cup of coffee and I was ready to leave.

Late that night, we caught the unsub while he was trying to drown a 13 year old girl. Luckily, she lived and was now in the hospital. As for the rest of us, we're on the jet, headed home. We all sat in the same places we did on the way there. I was laying on the couch again. I was looking around the jet, seeing that everyone was asleep in their chairs. Everyone except Emily.

"Hey are you okay?" she whispers to me.

"Yeah. I'm fine" I whisper back.

"Reid, you're lying." She said. I looked her in the eyes. She was dead serious. I could see sadness and concern in her eyes. I sighed. She was my friend after all. I was caught in a lie, and I wasn't going to make it worse by lying more. I opened up to her. Just barely, but enough to count.

"Okay, I'm not fine." I said truthfully.

"What's wrong?"

I pondered over this question for a moment, thinking about how to answer her, or better yet, how to sum up everything that's wrong. I didn't know how to answer.

"I've been having nightmares almost every night." I said. I quickly stopped myself from saying anything else.

"Are you sure it's nothing else? Are you sick?" She asked "You're really pale."

"I don't know." I said. "Maybe." And truthfully I was sick. I was sick of feeling the way I did. I was sick of being afraid. I was sick of the sleepless nights. And I was sick of crying.

"Okay…Well if you ever need anything, I'm here." She said smiling. The look on her face told me she knew I was still lying, but she didn't try and push the subject, which I was grateful for.

The last thought I had before drifting into sleep was; 'I am so lucky to have a family that cares so much about me.'

An hour later I woke up, luckily not from a nightmare, to find that we were about to land. I looked around to find that nobody was awake. After we landed and everyone was awake, we made our way to the office to finalize some papers to close out the report. I had just stood up from my desk when all of a sudden I was attack from behind. It made me jump, but it was only Garcia giving me a hug. I smiled. "How's my junior g-man?" She asked with the biggest of all smiles on her face. I couldn't help but smile back. Not that it bothered me a whole lot, but I wondered why all the girls were checking up on me.

"I'm fine, Garcia."

"Okay." She smiled. Her eyes were so bright and happy. She twirled in a big circle and then announced; "I shall see you all in the future, but now I am going home to my warm soft bed!" She laughed. "Night everyone!" She waved as she left the bullpen, just as happy as ever.

"I love that women." Morgan laughed, staking folders on his desk before putting his jacket on. "Night, Reid." He said to me, before stepping into the elevator. Before the doors closed, I got a small glimpse of something in his eyes. Something I couldn't quite figure out. I thought I should just forget it instead of beating myself up trying to figure out what it was. I finished piling up all my paperwork on my desk before heading out myself, but before I could even put my jacket on, JJ tapped my shoulder.

I turned around and saw her with a sad expression on her face. "Spence…What's going on?"

I gave her a puzzled look. "What do you mean?" trying to avoid the subject. I had briefly discussed this with Emily, and I really just didn't want to talk about it.

"Spence, you know what I mean." She was serious.

Tears threatened to pour out of my eyes. "JJ, I don't know." One tear managed to escape and made its way down my cheek. And then another one. "I'm so confused." I whispered. "I have nightmares when I'm asleep, but when I wake up it doesn't get much better. It seems I'm always with Morgan, but I can't breathe when he's near me. I get this weird feelings and I can't focus. I haven't slept in days, JJ, and I'm just falling apart…I don't know what to do anymore." I burst out. I poured my heart out to JJ. My eyes were starting to get red as I rubbed them, trying to wipe away the tears that didn't stop coming.

JJ was silent. She hugged me for a moment, and then said "I want you to go home, have some tea, and try and get some rest. Think about everything you feel and try to clear your head. When you know exactly what you feel, it will make this whole thing easier." She looked at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Spence." She said and walked away.

I was left speechless, without words to even describe what I felt. But, deep inside, I knew she was right.

With that, I grabbed my jacket, and walked down to my car. I opened the door, sat down, turned it on, and drove away. In the blink of an eye, I was at my apartment. I put my car in park, and got out, locking the doors behind me. I walked into the lobby of the building and headed straight for my floor. Upon arriving, I unlocked my door, walked in, through my bag into my room, and took my shoes off. I walked into the living room and leaned up against the wall, laying my head on the cold wall. I thought about what JJ said. I blinked a few times and then decided I wanted to put on some pjs, and that's what I did.

I now had on really baggy pj pants and a huge t-shirt.

I was sitting on my couch, drinking tea (just like JJ told me too), when I hear a loud knocking at my door. I look at the clock. 2:43am.

Who could possibly be here this early in the morning? I put my tea down and answer the door, only to find Morgan standing in front of me. "Morgan?" I questioned "What are you doing here?"

"Look pretty boy," He started with a sigh "we've been friends for a really long time, and you know that I would never do anything to ruin that." He looked at me.

"Yeah…? But what does that have to—" I was interrupted by a small collision of his lips and mine. I took a step back. I felt my face turning red. My eyes were wide with shock, and then began to fill with tears.

"Pretty boy, I love you." He said. Tears ran down both sides of my face. I was silent.

What was I supposed to say?

I came up blank, I was shocked and speechless. I could feel Morgan's eyes widen as he looked down at me. "…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have come." He said. He turned around to leave "I'm sorry." He repeated. He was half way down the hallway now. My heart was beating so fast and hard I thought it was going to come out of my chest. He had misinterpreted my silence. It wasn't because I didn't feel the same, it was just because I wasn't expecting him to tell me what he did.

I jumped out into the hallway and yelled "I love you too!" He stopped in his tracks. I stood there, shocked that he had actually felt the same way about me. So I guess what Emily and JJ were talking about on the jet wasn't a dream.

Morgan turned around and made his way back to me. He picked me up off the ground and hugged me tight. "I love you, Derek Morgan." I whispered in his ear. I was smiling as tears continually poured down my face. I was happy. Happier than I had been in a long time. I was so relieved that I didn't have to hide it anymore, and that he finally knew, and he felt the same way.

In a way, I was so shocked, I couldn't really take in everything that was happening. It was all so new, but it was wonderful. My brain finally registered, and I realized that Morgan's arms were around me.

I've never felt so safe.

I felt myself completely relax, and melt into his arms. He carried me inside my apartment and shut the door with his foot. He carried me into my living room, and we laid on the couch. My face nuzzled into his chest. We laid there for countless hours. It seemed like forever. I laid with Morgan. My Morgan. And eventually I grew tired, and I fell asleep on his chest, with a huge smile on my face.

When I woke up, I pushed my hair out of my face and looked around. It was still dark. I wondered if it had been a dream, like almost everything else had been. I wondered if the night that I would never forget was just in my head. Then I felt movement under me. I looked down to see that I was laying on Morgan. I smiled and held back the tears of joy. I laid back down and cuddled with him. I fell into a blissful sleep, knowing I had Derek Morgan close to me.

-End :)


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